Tuesday, 29 December 2009

A heart filled with gratitude

Is it just me or does everybody feel the need to ruminate on a year gone by? But looking back, I realised much of the year was a blur for me. That's what happens, I understand, when you are so focused on the trees that you miss the wood. So perhaps, I should take a New Year resolution to slow down and live the moment.

Some memories stand out in the haze, and most of these are ones tinged by sadness. My good friend moving out of the flat above me into her own apartment many miles away; the move brought about a change even in my daily routine. No more impromptu gossip sessions over plates of snacks and cups of coffee, no more dropping in for after-dinner sweets... Of course, I resumed the coffee sessions with my other good friend-neighbour, both of us sorely missing the earlier livelier and definitely more crowded get-togethers.

Abhi's grandfather's sickness, death and funeral, when realisation of the frailty of the human condition hit me with full force.

It was also the year I realised that depression is not something that happens to someone else; that you can try to erase a sad memory and go about life as usual, only to find tears rolling down your cheeks at unexpected moments. Prayers were often left half-said and family prayer times cut down as I burst into tears at the mere mention of words that evoked a memory...

It was a strange period, especially since I considered myself to be something of an eternal optimist. But out of that time, I learnt a lot of lessons. Lessons of friendship, lessons of gratitude (for my blessings, which I had forgotten in my misery) and lessons of trust (I had always prided myself on my faith, only to nearly fail in this very real crisis of faith).

As life goes on and the New Year rolls around, I look to it with great hope and happiness. I have made some great new friends this year, revived some old friendships, strengthened bonds with family, done some good work (job-wise) and weathered a personal crisis (albeit, not very admirably). Finally, this year, I hope to take strong steps towards a long-cherished dream of doing some volunteer work; the ball is already in motion, in fact! :) (No more 'slacktivism' for me!)

I am also determined to love my body, beyond the boundaries of weight-loss goals. And yes, to the man who stood by me (sometimes tongue-tied, sometimes vociferous but always there), I wish to be a better partner, an easier person to live with, a happier companion... And to my daughter and my future kids (the optimist is back!), I'll surely yell less and participate more!

1 comment:

Sree said...

Wishing you a new year where you can follow our heart yet not hurt others, where you can fulfill your dreams & desires, where you can be all what you want to be, a year where you can be just YOU.

Tuesday, 29 December 2009

A heart filled with gratitude

Is it just me or does everybody feel the need to ruminate on a year gone by? But looking back, I realised much of the year was a blur for me. That's what happens, I understand, when you are so focused on the trees that you miss the wood. So perhaps, I should take a New Year resolution to slow down and live the moment.

Some memories stand out in the haze, and most of these are ones tinged by sadness. My good friend moving out of the flat above me into her own apartment many miles away; the move brought about a change even in my daily routine. No more impromptu gossip sessions over plates of snacks and cups of coffee, no more dropping in for after-dinner sweets... Of course, I resumed the coffee sessions with my other good friend-neighbour, both of us sorely missing the earlier livelier and definitely more crowded get-togethers.

Abhi's grandfather's sickness, death and funeral, when realisation of the frailty of the human condition hit me with full force.

It was also the year I realised that depression is not something that happens to someone else; that you can try to erase a sad memory and go about life as usual, only to find tears rolling down your cheeks at unexpected moments. Prayers were often left half-said and family prayer times cut down as I burst into tears at the mere mention of words that evoked a memory...

It was a strange period, especially since I considered myself to be something of an eternal optimist. But out of that time, I learnt a lot of lessons. Lessons of friendship, lessons of gratitude (for my blessings, which I had forgotten in my misery) and lessons of trust (I had always prided myself on my faith, only to nearly fail in this very real crisis of faith).

As life goes on and the New Year rolls around, I look to it with great hope and happiness. I have made some great new friends this year, revived some old friendships, strengthened bonds with family, done some good work (job-wise) and weathered a personal crisis (albeit, not very admirably). Finally, this year, I hope to take strong steps towards a long-cherished dream of doing some volunteer work; the ball is already in motion, in fact! :) (No more 'slacktivism' for me!)

I am also determined to love my body, beyond the boundaries of weight-loss goals. And yes, to the man who stood by me (sometimes tongue-tied, sometimes vociferous but always there), I wish to be a better partner, an easier person to live with, a happier companion... And to my daughter and my future kids (the optimist is back!), I'll surely yell less and participate more!

1 comment:

Sree said...

Wishing you a new year where you can follow our heart yet not hurt others, where you can fulfill your dreams & desires, where you can be all what you want to be, a year where you can be just YOU.