On my morning walk/jog (couldn't really jog cos my tracks kept slipping down: have I lost that much weight?), I could see kids in uniform on either side of the road in uniforms of every hue, style and length. Some were with friends, others with parents or grandparents.
As I neared my favourite stretch, I saw a father and daughter standing together but looking in opposite directions. When the bus came, the father started walking away even before the bus rolled to a stop. Without even a goodbye! There had been absolutely no eye contact between the two during the time. A little further down the road was a grandfather leaning on his cane with his granddaughter. Again, both of them had the listless look of routine!
At a bend in the road, a mother had parked her car by the roadside and was giving a tirade of sorts to her daughter, who was half-listening to her. The mother, either due to working woman guilt or supermom syndrome, was combing through all homework (I assume) one last time. On the main road, there was another mom-daughter pair hugging each other and whispering jokes in each other's ears.
Mothers, it seemed, engage better with their kids: am not saying they have great relationships with their kids but they are making an effort in a manner that they think best. But what's with the men in this New Age of parenting? Aloofness will get you nowhere... Agreed you may not be as verbose or as expressive as women, but you men can do your bit too.
My husband's favourite 'love tactic' is tickling. I absolutely hate it and we often wage war on the subject. But my little one, who is not keen on being tickled too, will occasionally go up to him and demand to be tickled. It's strange but they really connect over these mini sessions. See, all you need to do is reach out in a manner that suits you. Believe me, children are adaptable and they will understand that that's the way you love them. This doesn't translate to men saying 'But we are earning for them.' You would be earning anyway, irrespective of whether or not you have kids!
GO on guys, do some bonding. And childhood is the only time you can really enjoy your kids. Once they are all grown up, you will need those happy memories. So go and make some!
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Monday, 18 January 2010
Papa don't preach, but please play
On my morning walk/jog (couldn't really jog cos my tracks kept slipping down: have I lost that much weight?), I could see kids in uniform on either side of the road in uniforms of every hue, style and length. Some were with friends, others with parents or grandparents.
As I neared my favourite stretch, I saw a father and daughter standing together but looking in opposite directions. When the bus came, the father started walking away even before the bus rolled to a stop. Without even a goodbye! There had been absolutely no eye contact between the two during the time. A little further down the road was a grandfather leaning on his cane with his granddaughter. Again, both of them had the listless look of routine!
At a bend in the road, a mother had parked her car by the roadside and was giving a tirade of sorts to her daughter, who was half-listening to her. The mother, either due to working woman guilt or supermom syndrome, was combing through all homework (I assume) one last time. On the main road, there was another mom-daughter pair hugging each other and whispering jokes in each other's ears.
Mothers, it seemed, engage better with their kids: am not saying they have great relationships with their kids but they are making an effort in a manner that they think best. But what's with the men in this New Age of parenting? Aloofness will get you nowhere... Agreed you may not be as verbose or as expressive as women, but you men can do your bit too.
My husband's favourite 'love tactic' is tickling. I absolutely hate it and we often wage war on the subject. But my little one, who is not keen on being tickled too, will occasionally go up to him and demand to be tickled. It's strange but they really connect over these mini sessions. See, all you need to do is reach out in a manner that suits you. Believe me, children are adaptable and they will understand that that's the way you love them. This doesn't translate to men saying 'But we are earning for them.' You would be earning anyway, irrespective of whether or not you have kids!
GO on guys, do some bonding. And childhood is the only time you can really enjoy your kids. Once they are all grown up, you will need those happy memories. So go and make some!
As I neared my favourite stretch, I saw a father and daughter standing together but looking in opposite directions. When the bus came, the father started walking away even before the bus rolled to a stop. Without even a goodbye! There had been absolutely no eye contact between the two during the time. A little further down the road was a grandfather leaning on his cane with his granddaughter. Again, both of them had the listless look of routine!
At a bend in the road, a mother had parked her car by the roadside and was giving a tirade of sorts to her daughter, who was half-listening to her. The mother, either due to working woman guilt or supermom syndrome, was combing through all homework (I assume) one last time. On the main road, there was another mom-daughter pair hugging each other and whispering jokes in each other's ears.
Mothers, it seemed, engage better with their kids: am not saying they have great relationships with their kids but they are making an effort in a manner that they think best. But what's with the men in this New Age of parenting? Aloofness will get you nowhere... Agreed you may not be as verbose or as expressive as women, but you men can do your bit too.
My husband's favourite 'love tactic' is tickling. I absolutely hate it and we often wage war on the subject. But my little one, who is not keen on being tickled too, will occasionally go up to him and demand to be tickled. It's strange but they really connect over these mini sessions. See, all you need to do is reach out in a manner that suits you. Believe me, children are adaptable and they will understand that that's the way you love them. This doesn't translate to men saying 'But we are earning for them.' You would be earning anyway, irrespective of whether or not you have kids!
GO on guys, do some bonding. And childhood is the only time you can really enjoy your kids. Once they are all grown up, you will need those happy memories. So go and make some!
1 comment:
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Sam said...
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I appreciate all what you say about mother-child bonding vis-a-vis father-child bonding. I was very close to my mother. Circumstances led my own father to see me as a child when I was one and a half or more (don't remember what my mother told me); he never inquired about our studies, or anything else. That made me do many things on my own. But, I am very confident when he is around even as a frail, old man as he is now. Is it not bonding?
As a father, I realise that my children can talk to me freely on very many matters.
There is no need to think that only mother and children bond well. It is like three pins in a plug. The child and the active parent makes the two small pins, positive and negative ones. For instance, children are comfortable doing their homeworks with their mothers.
The other parent is the invisible presence, like the Earth wire. (Believe me, the child always will want to show the progress card to the father.)
It keeps changing. Sometimes you are the Earth wire, other times you are not.
And when they are old enough, they pull the plug and connect elsewhere! Or, as parents, we should let them do so.
Anyway, I am taking your advice and changing my middle name to Bond. 007. -
2:27 pm
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1 comment:
I appreciate all what you say about mother-child bonding vis-a-vis father-child bonding. I was very close to my mother. Circumstances led my own father to see me as a child when I was one and a half or more (don't remember what my mother told me); he never inquired about our studies, or anything else. That made me do many things on my own. But, I am very confident when he is around even as a frail, old man as he is now. Is it not bonding?
As a father, I realise that my children can talk to me freely on very many matters.
There is no need to think that only mother and children bond well. It is like three pins in a plug. The child and the active parent makes the two small pins, positive and negative ones. For instance, children are comfortable doing their homeworks with their mothers.
The other parent is the invisible presence, like the Earth wire. (Believe me, the child always will want to show the progress card to the father.)
It keeps changing. Sometimes you are the Earth wire, other times you are not.
And when they are old enough, they pull the plug and connect elsewhere! Or, as parents, we should let them do so.
Anyway, I am taking your advice and changing my middle name to Bond. 007.
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