A heart filled with gratitude

Is it just me or does everybody feel the need to ruminate on a year gone by? But looking back, I realised much of the year was a blur for me. That's what happens, I understand, when you are so focused on the trees that you miss the wood. So perhaps, I should take a New Year resolution to slow down and live the moment.

Some memories stand out in the haze, and most of these are ones tinged by sadness. My good friend moving out of the flat above me into her own apartment many miles away; the move brought about a change even in my daily routine. No more impromptu gossip sessions over plates of snacks and cups of coffee, no more dropping in for after-dinner sweets... Of course, I resumed the coffee sessions with my other good friend-neighbour, both of us sorely missing the earlier livelier and definitely more crowded get-togethers.

Abhi's grandfather's sickness, death and funeral, when realisation of the frailty of the human condition hit me with full force.

It was also the year I realised that depression is not something that happens to someone else; that you can try to erase a sad memory and go about life as usual, only to find tears rolling down your cheeks at unexpected moments. Prayers were often left half-said and family prayer times cut down as I burst into tears at the mere mention of words that evoked a memory...

It was a strange period, especially since I considered myself to be something of an eternal optimist. But out of that time, I learnt a lot of lessons. Lessons of friendship, lessons of gratitude (for my blessings, which I had forgotten in my misery) and lessons of trust (I had always prided myself on my faith, only to nearly fail in this very real crisis of faith).

As life goes on and the New Year rolls around, I look to it with great hope and happiness. I have made some great new friends this year, revived some old friendships, strengthened bonds with family, done some good work (job-wise) and weathered a personal crisis (albeit, not very admirably). Finally, this year, I hope to take strong steps towards a long-cherished dream of doing some volunteer work; the ball is already in motion, in fact! :) (No more 'slacktivism' for me!)

I am also determined to love my body, beyond the boundaries of weight-loss goals. And yes, to the man who stood by me (sometimes tongue-tied, sometimes vociferous but always there), I wish to be a better partner, an easier person to live with, a happier companion... And to my daughter and my future kids (the optimist is back!), I'll surely yell less and participate more!

Give me some space

I've been married for over six years now and incidentally, in love with my now-hubby for 15-plus years. Our relationship has seen plenty of ups and downs; and when you are married, it's easier to keep track of the downs. Sometimes, I feel like taking a breather and running away from the yokes of family, child and anything resembling responsibility. At others, I just want to curl into the secure confines of Abhi's arms.
I hear a lot of my friends clamouring for more space in their relationships and how-to articles in women's mags telling you how to strike the right balance between intimacy and giving each other space in a relationship. Well, yesterday I just happened to get some space.
It's about 11 at night; Abhi is blissfully asleep, even snoring a bit. I don't want to put down my book but I force myself to as I have a heavy day ahead of me. I turn off the lights and turn around. Abhi is facing away from me, lying on his side. I spoon into him and I want to hug him. I put my hand near his elbow, trying to burrow my fingers under his arm so that my arm can go all the way under his. And suddenly, Abhi just lifts up his arm to give me the space I need. The space for me to put my arm underneath his and hold on tight. I peer at him in the semi-darkness of the city night; the lights from the nearby road gives me some light. He is still fast asleep!
It felt so good within; I wanted to wake him up with a big kiss but I just held on. I know how much Abhi loves his sleep. I was just glad that my husband gave me some space of the best kind. I think every marriage needs more of this kind of space.

Decipher that!

One day, a crow was feening very thasty.
He looked for water here 'n' there.
At last, he found a pot wi little water.
But he could no reach it.
He thought of an IDEA!
He picked up some stones put in the water.
Plack, plack, plack
The water rose up...
The crow ran the water and flew away HAPPILY.

Rendition of A Thirsty Crow by Anandita at 3.5 yrs. :)
(Please read all words beginning with 'r' with an 'l' sound for authenticity.)

Walking it off

Thought I'd post this after going at it non-stop for at least two weeks... No, it's not what you are thinking... Abhi's working late nowadays ;)

I'm talking about my at-dawn walks. Armed with my chatterbox-neighbour friend and a bottle of water, I've been doing about 5km six days a week... about 45 minutes every day!! Come rain, shine or hangover, I've been doing it. I hope I can stick at it. Plan to add a few exercise moves to the regime by next week; Saw a ballet-Pilates combination in Prevention mag, certified to tone certain problem areas, in my case my tummy and waist.

Save the Olive Ridleys

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