Who Will Be

Who I am, who I was,
Who I try to be,
We lie entangled in a mess.

Damnit, says Was,
Won't you learn from me?
I can save you.

WillBe chuckles,
Discreetly pulls her leg
From the chaos of egos.

Am stays quiet, as ever.
Both Was and WillBe
Shake their heads at her.

She has a plan, though.
Sweet, quiet Am,
Her head full of technicolour ideas.

She is bruised now, a misstep that hurt.
But that will be Was's burden hence.
Am is evolving. WillBe taps her foot.

I can't take both of you along,
Says Am, rising like a sea goddess
Fluid, almost terrifyingly radiant.

You will be hurt
All over again, warns Was,
Shielding her eyes.

For once in her life,
WillBe is clueless,
Agape, wondering.

But I can take parts of you both,
Says Am, reaching out,
Picking the pieces she holds dear.

Was and WillBe writhe
And gasp for air
Engulfed in Am's relentless, vivid waves.

It's always been me, says Am,
Rising to fullness,
Her Self reflected in the aura around her.

Reams of yearning

Your hands, they are what your letters first bring to mind.

Your hands, those fingers locked with mine for a stolen moment or two.

Your hands, the pressure of them on the paper, on my body, in my hair.

These letters... I hold them up and take a deep breath

hoping for a heady whiff of you, thinking of you in that moment, 

at your desk, leaning into the light of the lamp.

Or could it have been written as the warm rays of the sun

fell on you through that bay window you send me pictures of?

I like to imagine you writing during cold nights, the unbearable loneliness

driving you into my arms, open for you, many miles away.

Your hand, now,

the almost calligraphic letters curving into each other,

like us spooning on that rainy night of long ago.

You write words I read over and over again.

Some of these words you once mumbled hoarsely

into my ear, half-asleep.

I read them, and I imagine hearing them

in your throaty whisper all over again.

If there must be spaces in our togetherness,

let's fill them with reams of yearning,

of conversations never-ending,

of everything and nothing,

of the momentous and the meaningless.

These letters, now smeared with my scents as well,

fraying at the edges, silent and eloquent,

they take your place in my bed.