In the last few weeks of my second pregnancy... and I am stuck between feeling anxious, impatient and restless. Of course, things are a whole lot different than when I had my daughter six and half years ago. For one thing, there are more aches, pains and discomfort than I remember from back then. (And yes, I have heard all variations of the joke that it's only because I'm way older now.) Perhaps I can blame part of that on a faulty memory that seems to have packed off on vacation since around the second trimester! But one thing I do know... and that is, despite all the pregnancy-related problems (symptoms, if you prefer), I had gone to work almost till the end of my first pregnancy. This time, I am officially on rest since the middle of last month; not to speak of having had to stop going to office months earlier!
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And this time around, there is also the added pressure (at least in my mind) of having to get it all right this time! The first time, I struggled with breastfeeding despite my resolve to do so exclusively. My lil' one, though, had her own plans, which, needless to say, were the polar opposite of mine. Yes, yes, I hear ye all-natural moms who are so ready to point a finger at us moms who weren't able to exclusively breastfeed, as well as those who may not necessarily have breastfed their own but heartily subscribe to it when it concerns others. Believe me, I have no time for such people... And no, I don't intend to justify myself to their ilk.
However, my concerns tend towards my own ideals of motherhood, which are lofty, to say the least. The higher the standards you set for yourself, the bigger the disappointment if you can't make them, especially when you are sleep-deprived, tired and going-a-lil-loony in the process. Still, I am determined to slog ahead, with the wisdom that it's ok if I fail; maybe I won't beat myself up as much as last time. One new thing I plan to try out this time round is to rely mostly on cloth diapers. May the Good Lord grant me oodles of patience!
